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31 May 2008

The Bozone

The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some winners.

1. Intaxication: euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): the act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis: terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: it's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a
serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): the grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: all talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): the frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): the color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

And The #1 Pick:

17. Ignoranus: a person who's both stupid and an ass hole.

13 comments:

Talisman said...

Oh I like some of those. Now just to figure out how to work them into the conversation at my research group meeting on Thursday.

*ponders*

tt said...

ROFLMAO!!!
Seriously..# 14 completely got me. I've done that dance so many times....i pictured it in my mind and I still can't quit laughing...
Gosh how I needed that today!
Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dana said...

I know an awful lot of ignoranuses clearly locked in the bozone!

Michael M. said...

talisman - perhaps you should have a contest where word usage in a sentence earns a free Slurpee or something? :)

Michael M. said...

tt - Real life is ALWAYS funnier than fiction. Count on it!

Michael M. said...

dana - The old saying that 1 out of 4 people are crazy (or assholes, or whatever)? I always breath a sigh of relief when I encounter an ignoranus. It's like living on borrowed time. :)

Tismee2 said...

Number 14 for me too. That really amused me as I do that all the time in the garden when I get 'webbled'.

I MUST remember Ignoranus, there are so many people I can stick this one on.

Michael M. said...

Tismee2 - too bad there's never a video camera around when we need one!

Average Girl In Average World said...

Ignoranus??

Love it :)

Michael M. said...

average girl - keep it handy for quick use...they are everywhere!!

Kandace said...

Ignoranus? Genius!

Two Date Diva said...

Oh. My. God. These are so funny! I'm already deciding who to hit with ignoranus first!

Michael M. said...

Kandace (welcome!) and Diva ... perhaps a new Webster's Dictionary definition is in order?!?