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28 October 2008

Truth is Absurd

"It is always the best policy to speak the truth - unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."
- Jerome K. Jerome, 1859 – 1927; English author

Here are some common lies:

Age - some age related lies are through the liars admission and some because they doctor an ID and dress 'older'. It starts young too. I recall a young girl named Stephanie who told me she was 5. Her grandmother shook her head and said that Stephanie was really 4. Stephanie vigorously disagreed and insisted that she was 5. I don't think any child that age could have believed anything more strongly than Stephanie did about her false age.

Work History - Note for hiring managers: "I worked for the State" in an increment of 7 or 10 years means your applicant was in prison. Got it?

Politics - Every candidate promises "change" (yeah, look it up, they all do). Few deliver plausible details, therefore few actually deliver change, ergo, all we get is another big fat goose egg of a promise and/or an outrageous tax bill for their efforts. Sound familiar?

Love & Money - When I was in my 20's my friend Trout and I agreed to be the designated drivers for his younger brother and his band of hooligans for the brother's bachelor party. I must confess, I have been to many, many bachelor parties, but that was the only one where I was a tee-totaller. And is was great.

Here is what we learned, out of the mouth of babes (no, not those babes, I mean the baby brother and his buddies):

Everything in life can be boiled down to either BANK or SPANK. Or for those slow on the uptake, they meant, Money or Sex. (Yow, can't wait to see what the Ad Crawler displays now!)

Now, before I go against my pledge for keeping it PG here at D3, I won't go into the depth's of the discussion we had that night, but suffice to say, we had a hard time trumping their assertion.

And because of motivation being what it is, many people will lie their ever lovin' asses off modify the truth in order to achieve said Bank or said Spank. It may be noted that one of the more hard core participants that night even went as far as to say that the only purpose of Bank was to get Spank in the first place, thereby removing Bank from life's equation and leaving only Spank as his life's primary purpose. I do wonder where that chap is sometimes...

Well, as we age most of us add a bit of perspective obviously. We mature, we love, we lose, we love again, we have kids ... and life takes on meaning that so far surpasses the Bank or Spank equation. Or does it?

"Talk is cheap, and lies are expensive."
- Green Day, Rock group, from "Walking Contradiction"

A notable companion piece to this post can be found in the earlier 6 part series entitled Mating Growl. Check it out. So sure, one can (and boy do they!) deceive to get their Bank or their Spank....but can they really afford the COST?

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a Bank or Spank lie?


Hey lookie there! Daddio got philosophical. The Absurdity Tour is almost over (NOT) don't leave your seats just yet....


Two Date Diva said...

I've worked for the state for about 12 years now. Feels like a prison at times even if its not real. ;)

Michael M. said...

Yeah Diva ... or is it really Bruiser from upstate Des Moines doin' 20-life for that liquor store caper back in '98? ... likely story. :)

Two Date Diva said...

There is no proof I knocked over that liquor store! I thought they were giving me a refund for being such a great customer. Of course it could have been the vodka (and my vast consumption of it) that gave me that impression. ;)