The 4 Answers Response Leaders Know Before Everyone Else?

FREE Email Course

  • 4 Days
  • 4 Emails
  • Instant Leadership Improvement

Sign up to keep up, today!

Powered by ConvertKit

18 February 2008

Mating Growl, 4 of 6

The male of our worst enemies. Oh sure, women have one too (not enemies, silly, egos!), but not generally of the same epic and often catastrophic proportions as some men.

Sports cars have been leased, muscle shirts have been worn, wars have been waged, hair has been moussed and grand stands have been stood on in the name of male ego. Fortunately, most of these dudes are laughable, embarrassing and harmless.

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

Unfortunately though, not all ego-maniacs are self made ... and not all are harmless.


I occasionally make mention of the monster's that hurt children. There are too many of them and they continue to come from somewhere. While I am not going to pretend to be literate on the psychology of what makes a man hurt a child or a woman, I will suggest that if they are not allowed in the house in the first place, they would not have as easy of a time committing their heinous crimes. Seems simple, but for example, the next time you read about a child that is hurt by a non biological male (boyfriend, step-dad, etc.), look carefully for the telltale signs of unwarranted permissiveness and access by the custodial mother. Sorry ladies, but nobody should need a man so badly that your protective instincts are traded for a man's 'affection'.

It does bear repeating....we do more of what we are reinforced for doing. Both desired and undesired behaviors. If a male can treat you or your child like garbage and not receive a negative consequence (an ass-kicking to the curb, jail or a come-to-jesus lecture), or worse, receives a reward (an abject woman begging for him to stay..."I'll do anything", she'll plead) then expect more of the same, with an increasing frequency.

In one of the books I recommend on the right panel called the Gift of Fear, there is an abrupt, yet true position about these men who assault. The first time it happens, the female is a victim. The second time she is a volunteer. The book is a must read for every woman and can be quickly ordered by clicking through my link to the Amazon store.

Be Right or Be Happy?

Entertainers have made entire careers from making comedy out of the differences between men and women. They'll say that "we either get to be right, or we get to be happy...but not both." Is that true? Personally, I think the antithesis to being happy is not in trying to be right, but in trying too hard to be self righteous.

If we expect to always be right, or worse we expect our mate to always be wrong, then the foundation is not strong enough to build on yet. Or if we do, the structure of our relationship crumbles like a shanty during an earthquake. Out of the nearly 1/2 of all failed marriages, I suspect many failures have their origin's in differing expectations.

But by synchronizing our expectations, harmony often ensues and the foundation hardens. And the stronger the foundation, the more that can be built on top of it.

Sounds ideal right? Easier said than done of course. In the real world, there are plenty of obstacles and conflicts that threaten the fiber of our relationships. Please tune in for Part 5 of Mating Growl and we will cover Relationship Conflict, Sharing and How Not to Get Skinned Alive.


If you haven't signed up for your own Daddio's Daily Dose FEED, get yours now at the right column under "Feed Me!" so that you don't miss a single post!


Make sure to include your own pride in our the email icon below to send this post and tell them to hop aboard by getting their own Daddio's Daily Dose (D3) FEED!


Kat Wilder said...

Differing expectations? You bet!

It gets back to the old joke: "Men marry women hoping they won't change, and women marry men hoping they will." And no one's talking about what they actually want and expect from the marriage, to make sure they're both on the same page.

But, you know, I didn't realize that in my 20s, when I married. I sure do now.

L.A. Mama said...

After I gave birth to my first son, I bought and read the book, "Protecting the Gift". I highly recommend it to all parents. It should be given out as bibles (instead of Bibles LOL). For the first time in my life, someone gave me permission to trust my instincts even if it meant that I was rude. It is better to be rude and lose a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend etc than to be sorry. He also gave my children permission to be rude to strangers that scare them...

I have had the unfortunate experience of having to apply his advice, but I feel so GOOD for doing it. I know that I have protected my kids and they DEPEND on me (and my husband) to protect them. I can say "I did that" with pride.

Michael M. said...

Kat: If we only knew then what we know now....(sigh).

Of course I wouldn't be enjoying the depth and richness of my marriage with Tonya if it wasn't for all that came before it so it is a tradeoff, in a twisted sort of way.

Michael M. said...

laMama: Right on! That book was a bit hard to swallow at times but it is a handy tool for parents for sure. Thanks for sharing!

(And for those that don't have it yet, it is available from Amazon by clicking on its title on the Amazon widget to the right)

Deb in OPKS said...

I think I ticked off the bus driver attendant today. I mentioned during parent teacher conferences last week that the kids on the bus were not well secured in the seatbelts installed on the bus. (We're talking 3 year olds here) Anyway the teacher said she would mention it to the school's transportation person. This morning I noticed all the children were secured much better and I felt a chill from the attendant. I was concerned at first from the frost, but in the end, I don't care. I would rather her be mad at me than the kids get hurt. We have to protect our children first and worry about our feelings second. I'll just have to kill her with kindness :)

Michael M. said...

You go Deb! A friend works for this company and they are doing great things to get better restraint systems in busses:

Average Girl In Average World said...

In reference to kat Wilder's comment:

Men and women do have those thoughts about change. But it is wrong. No one can change anyone, you have to change yourself. Also, communication as you said is a big part. YOU HAVE TO TALK. I mean TALK about things, expectations, rules, deal breakers, ect.... the list goes on. Frequent communication is something alot of couples lack. They get in the relationship and think all the important talk is over, and really it's just beginning.

Great series Daddio!!

Michael M. said...

Righteo AGAW! And thanks....please make sure to share with your peeps...:)

Average Girl In Average World said...

Wait, hold the press, I have peeps? Ok, I'll stop being a smartypants :)