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09 February 2008

It's The Law, Ma'am



Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will have to pee.

Law of the Workshop - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability - The probability of your being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone - If you dial a wrong number, you will never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law - If you change lines or traffic lanes, the line/lane you just left will start to move faster than the one to which you just moved. (works every time).

Law of the Bath - When your body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone with whom you do not want to be seen.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove that a machine will not work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of any itch is inversely proportional to the distance you have to reach to scratch it.

Law of the Theater - At any public event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will be the last to arrive.

Law of Coffee - As soon as you sit down to enjoy a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee gets cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If only two people are in a locker room, they will always have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets - The probability of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering is directly proportional to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Location - No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible, providing you do not know anything about that to which you are talking.

Brown's Law - If the shoe fits, it is ugly.

Oliver's Law - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law - As soon as you find a product that you really like, the company will stop making it. (this one is also true every time!)

Doctors' Law - If you do not feel well, make an appointment to go see your doctor. By the time you get to the doctor's office, you will feel better. If you do not make an appointment, you will continue to feel sick.



8 comments:

Tismee2 said...

and then there's the Loo Roll Law - The possibility of there being only two sheets left on the last roll increases when the need for more is greatest.

and the law that ensures my 5 year old will have an accident through the night - but only when I have just changed the sheets after a few days of dry nights.

You are coming up with some FAB blogs lately Michael.

Two Date Diva said...

I love Oliver's Law! It is so true and I should remember it.

Dana said...

Law of the Alibi is the reason I never use "My son isn't feeling well" an an excuse for a mental health day from work.

Brown's Law is even more true when you are a woman with a size 11 foot!

Kat Wilder said...

Law of the Single Woman: If he's awesome, he's already taken.

Law of the Mother of a Teenager: If he suddenly starts acknowledging you, he wants something.

See, you've inspired me. Thanks for the laughs

Michael M. said...

Gail....love it! Especially the wet sheets one...so true.

Michael M. said...

Diva: A lesson for us all, fer shure.... I wonder if Oliver's law is akin to the "Catfish with a closed mouth never gets caught"...?

Michael M. said...

Dana: I gues saying that you needed to go make a meeting with the voices in your head wouldn't work either? :)

Michael M. said...

Kat...I dig the teenage law. Since Emily is 'only' 11, I imagine her selective hearing will only get worse. Yikes.