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14 January 2008

Nipple Need Brushing, Ma'am?

Any of you PG-13 readers gulp a little at the thought of what I'm talking about? Ooooooh. Nipples.

During the run-up to Ethan's arrival, but while Tonya was still in the hoosegow, Emily and I went out on a reconnaissance mission to the big box behemoth of baby stuff, Baby's R' Us. (Ain't they havin' grate grammar type words to teech the youngen's??)

While browsing the crapola from China and beyond we happened upon a selection of Nipple Brushes. What? Now, I am a literal guy. And I don't spend a lot of time with my head in the gutter, and certainly not on a shopping trip with my daughter at a baby store. I also consider myself to be fairly intelligent and perhaps even an above average problem solver.

So why was it that I was standing at this display, dumbfounded, like a dog that heard a high pitched whistle?

I inspected the thing (no instructions included) and thought to myself "how freakin' dirty is this kid gonna make Tonya's nipples, that she will have to use one of THOSE honker bristles to clean them?" I bet you think I'm kidding don't you?

Well my inner voice apparently wasn't so inner because Emily started to giggle at my reaction. She then began to explain with great joy that they are for the bottles and not intended for human contact. Emily = 1, Daddy Mike = bupkis. I know communication is fragile. but couldn't they avoid some confusion by calling them bottle brushes? Jeesh.

Don't worry, Emily had her turn when less than a week later we were at the hardware store to get our fix of sniffing the fox pee when I picked up a new ball cock for one of the toilets. I let her face turn a few different shades of red before telling her what it really was.

Maybe we should start taking our dictionary's with us wherever we go?


Two Date Diva said...

"Bottle Brushes" wouldn't get nearly as much attentions as "Nipple brushes". Great marketing technique actually. ;)

Deb in OPKS said...

But there are bottle brushes. You can't clean a nipple with those :)

Michael M. said...

Diva & Deb: Maybe if they just called the tops of bottles 'milk nozzles' instead of nipples, then poor chumps like me would understand on the first glance what they were! Without having to reply on an 11 year old for interpretation that is... :(

Tismee2 said...

I missed this post when I checked your blog this morning - doh, maybe it was the train lag or something.

When in the Navy as an air mechanic I always squirmed a bit when asked to go and grease the nipples.

I didn't know they did nipple brushes though.

Michael M. said...

Not to worry Gail....the antics will still be here for when you return! :)

I should find that list of words with double meanings. A few will make even a sailor blush...