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23 January 2008

News Fit to Print?


Real newspaper, fake headline. Funny though. Following are some true headlines, Then and Now that tickled my fancy too. And who doesn't like their fancy tickled occasionally? Such as:

Then: All Utah Condemned To Face Firing Squad (Washington Post; March 9th, 1980) - Ouch. Tough to be a Mormon these days I guess.

Now: Capitalism's Enemies Within (Washington Post; January 23rd, 2008) - the columnist says capitalists are to blame for the sub prime woes and the economy's doldrums. Kind of like saying that chef's are to blame for the world's obesity problem. Get real: greedy is as greedy does. And that is not the same as capitalism.

Then: Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire (New York Times; May 5th, 1986) - That will show him!

Now: At Last, a $20,000 Cup of Coffee (New York Times, January 23rd, 2008) - Fanaticism knows no limits. This article profiles a rare coffee machine (only 200 in the world - heck, Starbucks only has two of them!) that suggests that it brews the best cup of coffee (that's right: coffee, not espresso or some other fancy smancy drink) in the world.

Then: Chick Accuses Some Of Her Male Colleagues Of Sexism (Los Angeles Times, June 24th, 1985) - Poor woman, nobody takes her serious!

Now: Stimulus Plan Builds Bipartisan Steam (Los Angeles Times, January 23rd, 2008) - A vibrant economy = good, no question. But do we have to give a tax rebate to people that never paid taxes in the first place? And if so, how do I sign up?

Then: Dead Man Ignored Police Order (The Arizona Republic, September 23rd, 2006) - I bet he was tough to fingerprint too.

Now: Police Cuts Could Mean Fewer Officers on Streets (The Arizona Republic, September 23rd, 2006) - Seems the tax base is eroding in Mesa. That often is the result of the economy heading south and crime heading north. So whose solution was it to reduce the numbers of the very people that can help maintain a safe, livable and civilized standard of living for its citizens? Duh.

I have long believed, and am inspired about the future of comedy, that real life was, is and always will be funnier than fiction.

So....I do not generally participate in much tomfoolery (unless I start it), but
a fellow blog-ite prompted me to share some inane facts about myself, or IFAM's. So as to not conform too much, I will disperse a couple intermittently throughout the next several posts.

IFAM #1: If someone (that I know!) is nice enough to fix something for me, I will be nice enough to eat it. And that has created more positive food experiences than negative ones (wink, wink...are you listening Emily??). I mean it, I'll try anything once. Even
a 1000 year old duck egg for crying out loud. Once.

IFAM #2: Tonya and I got married in Las Vegas. People who know my wife Tonya and me see us as being fairly square and subtle (ha!), so they are bit taken aback when we tell them we had a Vegas wedding. Yeah Baby! Of course I add that she was a dancer at the Tropicana and we didn't know each other's names until we filled out the wedding certificate. Just kidding, we knew each other's names. :) If Elvis didn't cost an extra $300 bones to secure his services (his wedding services are in demand), we would have had him there too....

I can see the headline now.....


"Elvis misses Chance to Marry Mike and Tonya..."


6 comments:

Kat Wilder said...

OK, I love funny headlines because I am very good friends with a few copy editors who revel in the OMG ones (Ford to City: Drop Dead) and cringe at the "who thought that was OK?" ones.

And now, why did I instinctively know that you were hitched in Vegas? You're so money ...!

Dana said...

I am quite impressed by your willingness to try new foods. That open-mindedness is hidden behind the meat and potatoes in my house.

Michael M. said...

Gracias Kat. We love Leno's "Headlines" segment on Monday nights. If all else fails...that is my weekly giggle. :)

Michael M. said...

Dana...in fairness, my willingness is not as much from my zest to try new things, but from not wanting to starve from the alternative of not eating at all. :)

Deb in OPKS said...

I got a few kids who could use some of the philosophy. Peanut drives me crazy and I have a little boy I like who just turned 1 and refuses to eat table food. He only drinks his milk!

Michael M. said...

Deb: I guess it is was how I was raised. Food was not plentiful so my choice was to eat or not eat. Going to bed hungry a few times cured my pickiness!

So, does Peanut like peanuts? :) That is a great picture on your site with her and the flower.