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04 January 2008

Hindenburg Cometh

When I was in my early 20's - as sophomoric as it may seem to us, you know, high brow types now - my buddies and I determined a few irrefutable truths.

  1. Farts are funny
  2. Jokes about nuts (aka gonads) are funny.

Except for the most screwed tight among us, I dare you to not find more than a few instances in your life when those two truths weren't, well, true.

So with that being said, and even I though I try (really) to avoid the ubiquitous exploding diaper humor that is so common among Daddy Blogs, I am going for the cheap laugh. It is Friday, it was not a banner day and as already established... Farts are Funny.

I was dutifully working at my desk today with my co-pilot Ethan nearby when I heard what I was sure was a broken gas valve. My office window is near our gas meter so my sniffer turned on, my emergency response hat went on (evacuate people and dogs to open air, shut off the valve, shut off ignition sources and grab a phone to use to call for professional aid once safely outside). That thought process was 15 seconds maybe....and the loud hissing sound continued. Then I realized it was closer, perhaps overhead. So I thought Holy Hindenburg! A zeppelin has been breached over my house and several million cubic feet of toxic gas are being rapidly released at once. A terrorist attack perhaps? Wait a second, why is a blimp hovering over my house in the first place?

Did you know that the Hindenburg was the largest aircraft ever built; longer than 3 jumbo jets and 4 times bigger than the Goodyear Blimp? That is, until it ignited upon landing in New Jersey in 1937. The lifting gas they used was hydrogen which happens to also be highly, highly flammable. Why didn't they use helium which is much safer you ask? Because helium, a product chiefly of the United States, was subject to a military embargo with Germany. To finish production and stay in operation the Hindenburg Company made a deal with the devil, aka The Nazi Party, for funding. The upside is they got the money and flew 2 successful years before the 1937 accident. The downside of course is you lose the support of friends like the US (and it's helium producers) when you hop in bed with Hitler during the 1930's. That is why the Hindenburg used hydrogen and that is why a small ignition caused a major air disaster.

But I digress....

Just as I swivelled around to scoop up Ethan and go hunker down for what was surely our last minutes on earth I noticed that the sound was coming from him and his 99th percentile sphincter. I don't think a fat man on the last day of a broccoli eating competition could produce, never mind sustain, a gas release of that intensity for nearly 30 seconds. Wow, Little Man, Wow.

If only we could bottle that stuff up and market telling what dirigibles we could power with Ethan's gas.

{Hey D3 Reader! Ever want to dig deeper on any of the topics we discuss? Well, of course you do! At the right and at the bottom of each page is a convenient search box for you to search words or topics of your choice. Then you can come right back to Daddios Daily Dose for more fun.}


Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say thanks for the giggles. Clicked on your blog from Jeff's climbing blog, and found myself reading through all the archives b/c I couldn't get enough! As the mother of 3 girls - 10, 6, and 11 mo I can relate to far too many of your stories. Projectile poop is far under-appreciated by those who have never had the pleasure....


Michael M. said...

Hey thanks CKS! And you're welcome. (And thanks for supporting Jeff's site). Real life is soooo much more funny than fiction...I doubt I'll ever run out of material.

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