I have had the pleasure of having ED this week (Ethan Duty silly...what were you thinking?!?). It is a an experience like none other. The scary part it that he is still not very interactive so our connection is still mostly one of warmth, food, janitorial service and mimicking his gurgling sounds (or maybe he is really mimicking my grunts first and I am stunting his speech development, egad!). Still, I find myself jumping up when he squeaks even though I know he is fine. I am smitten.
My darling wife has accused me of being a concrete covered marshmallow before but perhaps I can convince her to revise that description to being a human Stretch Armstrong.
I mean, really now, who doesn't want to be more like Stretch Armstrong?
He's strong (duh), looks good in a Speedo, he's versatile (duh, again), soft on the inside while staying hard on the outside, he always has a good hair day and he probably speaks Chinese. Plus, the colder it gets outside, the more impenetrable his 'shell' becomes too..you gotta agree that is handy!
When I was a youth, I remember Stretch Armstrong's being all the rage. Thankfully, between being forced to look up impossible to spell words, I ended up with one. Yippee!
Mr. Armstrong knew no equal. GI Joe? Yeah right. Absorbed him into his pecs of steel and then crushed him like a pig by a boa constrictor. Got the idea?
But then those clever folks at Kenner decided that Mr. Armstrong needed a foe....so 2 years later out came Stretch Monster. Yep, the same toy, but painted green, with a monster face, no Speedo and covered in scales. Okay, not the same toy, but close.
But still, like in life, there is always some green, ugly monster getting in our way. So my pals, and our able warrior Stretch Armstrong, got to go to battle against all the ills of the world that manifested themselves inside Stretch Monster, i.e. why girls had cooties (and were they fatal?), when would Huffy make a bike whose chain didn't eat our pant legs, why did steamed asparagus have to be invented and why couldn't Spaghetti Westerns be on TV all of the time?
But I digress....
So I sit here looking at Ethan napping and hope that in his life he will be able to enjoy the life of Stretch Armstrong: beating evil, staying strong outside, soft inside and staying fit enough to look good in a Speedo (not because he should mind you...but because he could).
Of course my Stretch Armstrong met an, uh, undesired ending. We tested the limits of his strength by putting him under the tire of my buddy's mom's Monte Carlo before she went to work. Well, we can attest that Mr. Armstrong, may he rest in peace, was filled with a soft gooey center. Kind of like jelly.
And come to think of Ethan's gooey diapers, maybe he and Stretch Armstrong are already more alike than I thought!